These posts were really beginning to piss me off!

Listen, I know I’m cranky, judgemental, and quite frankly over the top freaking JEALOUS that I don’t have the option to spend one second of MY summer in EUROPE! It’s NEVER been an option. Only a DREAM.

Yet I digress.

Posts like this just make me wanna fold up my tent, take my ball and go home and get under the covers. Oh, wait…I am HOME, it’s been over a year since I left.

Lately, I’m feeling defeated and deflated. Hence, my rant.

Do you ever feel this way? Of course, you do, but will you admit it? It’s not often I do but, truth be told, I have a need and desire to see more relatable posts that are a bit more authentic while speaking to happiness and unity.

Like many of you, I’m trying to make the best of my life and current situation. These past 2 years, I’ve put a lot of hard work into learning how to reinvent myself in my life after 60 skin, and well, it’s not really going that well. I’m a little verklempt, discouraged and frustrated.

Every day I practice gratitude and self-care. While reminding myself I am not a QUITTER, but damn it, I’m tired!It doesn’t feel like I’m winning! At ANYTHING!

I bet you’re wondering what brought this on. Well actually it’s been bubbling up for months now and I guess, for whatever reason, I’m finally willing to acknowledge there’s a huge void in my life and I don’t exactly know what it is or how to fill it. Just kind of trying to work through it.

Welcome to my pity party. Those of you who don’t care to stick around, I don’t blame you and you are understandably pardoned and excused.

Today, it occurred to me I can’t be the only one feeling this way and that’s why I decided to write, bare all, and share a glimpse of my thought process about this with you. Although I may be the only one willing to admit it on social media though. I hope this helps someone else if only in solidarity. The only thing I AM certain of is I will probably regret this post soon after publishing it.

Hey, are you still there?

So here’s what’s on my mind. First and foremost, the uncertainty of my future. I’m alone. I never saw that coming in my 60’s. While I readily admit I have enjoyed the perks and benefits of selfishness,

(and there are many)of not having a partner at this time in my life is a very scary thing. I now, more than ever, honor, respect, appreciate and recognize the beauty of connubial commitment. BIG congrats to all of you that stayed the course and MADE IT!!!

That said, I still haven’t lost hope. A dear friend of mine met the love of her life at 65 and they’ve been very happily married for more than 5 years. As she often says ‘it was well worth the wait ‘. I believe it and her love story inspires me.

A year ago when I decided to start my online retail business, I knew it wouldn’t be easy and would take some time to build. I’m not going to kid you, it’s been very hard yet I believe in it and am determined to throw everything at it, give it my all before I would consider giving up on it. Most days it’s hard and I am filled with self-doubt coupled with overwhelming anxiety. There are times when worry has often kept me from working on my entrepreneurship goals and moving my dream forward.

But having no choice, somehow each day, I find the strength, courage, and energy to pick myself up and believe I am one step closer to living MY best life. And I do believe I am.

Then I see it… a random post from a complete stranger, someone just living their best life. And sharing it on Facebook.

I recognize it for what it is….I’m jealous. I WANT that!

I’m happy it makes me ask MYSELF some very hard questions:

Why are you jealous?

Are you doing everything you can do to lead YOUR best life?

What are YOU doing to find peace, happiness, and YOUR best life?

That’s what lights a fire under my sedentary butt and reminds me to stay on course, DO THE HARD WORK and enjoy the journey. Because I WILL GET THERE!!!

I KNOW my faith is guiding me and not to question it.

I BELIEVE in my gifts, choices, and perseverance.

It’s all I have.