I Had A Dream

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Sorry about the *lonnnng post and blurry photo—I almost didn’t post it, but then I thought, why not? This blurry picture perfectly captures how energized and excited I woke up at 4:30 this morning after having the most colorful, craziest dream I’ve had in years! I was so pumped up  I couldn’t even hold the camera still. It’s the first dream I can remember in at least five years!

I won’t even attempt to describe it, but imagine something very Alice In Wonderland-esque with me as ALICE! If that makes any sense at all. This is where you thank me for not trying to explain it further.

A little backstory about me: up until around 2012, I was always a very creative woman, confident and comfortable in my skin. Celebrating ME was never an issue. Then I hit a rough patch with unexpected deaths, losses, and challenges over the next ten years. Although I tried to stay strong, each loss took a piece of me. I began to retreat into myself, turning into a loner. Now in my 60s, I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt invisible, lacked self-confidence, and was a shell of the woman I used to be—exhausted mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Through it all, I never lost my sense of humor. In 2012, I started our Facebook page, posting funny memes. Not sure if any of you noticed, but I never showed my face on this page until 2020. No one ever knew what I looked like—an example of my lack of confidence. On my 60th birthday, a friend convinced me to come out from behind the curtain and show myself to the community I worked so hard to build! I’m so glad I did!

Looking back, that was a new beginning for me. I don’t know what I was so afraid of, but all these years, I’ve been fear-driven, allowing life to lead me instead of ME choosing to lead my life. Now, I’m ready to create a new and better life, excitedly standing on the many lessons I’ve learned as a strong foundation for an even better future.

So back to the symbolism of that crazy colorful dream I had last night. The dream was so good that when I woke up, I wanted to close my eyes and go back! I don’t think that’s happened to me since I was a kid! According to Google, vivid colorful dreams can be associated with positive emotions like happiness, hope, and safety. EUREKA!

I didn’t need Google to tell me that, but of course, I checked anyway. That definition explained exactly what I felt the moment my eyes opened this morning. I.Was.Happy. Happy in my soul. I felt hopeful—hopeful that the work I do here and on modernprairie.com finds itself wrapped around other folks in our communities, leaving them feeling happy, hopeful, content, and safe,  giving them at least one moment of peace each day. I now understand that happiness and hope are the first two steps—like a yellow brick road—that guide us toward the rest of it if we know to carry and use our faith, humility, and vulnerability as a shield, not a weapon.

I couldn’t explain it this morning, and I still can’t, but I KNOW I have turned a corner and can feel the many blessings that are about to come my way.

Even writing this to you, I couldn’t wait to share it! I couldn’t get it out or type fast enough! Anyone who writes knows when it just flows out of you and keeps coming, you’re in a whole different creative zone. You just have to keep writing and trust the process that it makes sense. I haven’t been in this zone for years, and it feels terrific!

I guess that’s why I’m so happy. I can feel my creativity returning. I have many wonderful projects I’m working on: Women With(out) Partners, and the Women Rowing North video series where we’ll have real-time discussions about women in our 60s, 70s, and beyond still flourishing. I love the work I’m doing with Modern Prairie and feel blessed to celebrate a year and a half with them as a content creator. I’m very clear on my message and purpose. I want to continue to build this community that celebrates mature women navigating life on our own terms, and today I am celebrating finding my voice again!

My final thought I want to leave with you today. Over the years, this community has been my beacon of light-MY North Star. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude for helping me find my way back to myself.

Love, Light, and many blessings to you all!

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